Learn about oppressive Chinese marriage customs
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| INTRODUCTION |
| David: Hi, everyone, I’m David. |
| Echo: 嗨(Hāi)，大家好(Dàjiā hǎo)，我是(Wǒ shì)Echo。 |
| David: And welcome to Chineseclass101.com where you learn to speak Chinese with fun and effective lessons. |
| Echo: And we also provide you with cultural insights. |
| David: And tips that you’re not going to find in a textbook. So our lesson today is intermediate series, season one lesson seven. Getting married in China. |
| Echo: Yeah, we have a dialogue between a couple who are shopping for wedding supplies. |
| David: Right. And since they’re about getting married, they’re going to be speaking casual Mandarin. |
| Echo: 没错。(Méi cuò.) |
| David: Now before we take you to the dialogue we want to remind you if you have any questions, if you have any comments, Echo, what you got to do? |
| Echo: You should come to Chineseclass101.com and leave us a comment. |
| David: Right. We read them all. Promise and we’ll get back to you. So come to the site, leave a question, join our community. With that though, let’s go to the dialogue. |
| DIALOGUE |
| 甲: 亲爱的，根据中国传统，娶我得送彩礼。(Jiǎ: Qīn'ài de, gēnjù zhōngguó chuántǒng, qǔ wǒ dé sòng cǎilǐ.) |
| 乙: 没问题。送什么？(Yǐ: Méi wèntí. Sòng shénme?) |
| 甲: 根据我们老家的传统，得先送一辆摩托车。(Jiǎ: Gēnjù wǒmen lǎojiā de chuántǒng, dé xiān sòng yī liàng mótuō chē.) |
| 乙: 没问题。(Yǐ: Méi wèntí.) |
| 甲: 根据我们村子里的传统，还得送一辆汽车。(Jiǎ: Gēnjù wǒmen cūnzi lǐ de chuántǒng, hái dé sòng yī liàng qìchē.) |
| 乙: 嗯...好吧。(Yǐ: Ń... Hǎo ba.) |
| 甲: 根据我们家的传统，还得送一套房子。(Jiǎ: Gēnjù wǒmen jiā de chuántǒng, hái dé sòng yī tào fángzi.) |
| 乙: 我们分手吧。(Yǐ: Wǒmen fēnshǒu ba.) |
| David: One more time a bit slower. |
| 甲: 亲爱的，根据中国传统，娶我得送彩礼。(Jiǎ: Qīn'ài de, gēnjù zhōngguó chuántǒng, qǔ wǒ dé sòng cǎilǐ.) |
| 乙: 没问题。送什么？(Yǐ: Méi wèntí. Sòng shénme?) |
| 甲: 根据我们老家的传统，得先送一辆摩托车。(Jiǎ: Gēnjù wǒmen lǎojiā de chuántǒng, dé xiān sòng yī liàng mótuō chē.) |
| 乙: 没问题。(Yǐ: Méi wèntí.) |
| 甲: 根据我们村子里的传统，还得送一辆汽车。(Jiǎ: Gēnjù wǒmen cūnzi lǐ de chuántǒng, hái dé sòng yī liàng qìchē.) |
| 乙: 嗯...好吧。(Yǐ: Ń... Hǎo ba.) |
| 甲: 根据我们家的传统，还得送一套房子。(Jiǎ: Gēnjù wǒmen jiā de chuántǒng, hái dé sòng yī tào fángzi.) |
| 乙: 我们分手吧。(Yǐ: Wǒmen fēnshǒu ba.) |
| David: and now with the English translation. |
| 甲: 亲爱的，根据中国传统，娶我得送彩礼。(Jiǎ: Qīn'ài de, gēnjù zhōngguó chuántǒng, qǔ wǒ dé sòng cǎilǐ.) |
| David: Honey, according to Chinese tradition you have to give a gift when you marry me. |
| 乙: 没问题。送什么？(Yǐ: Méi wèntí. Sòng shénme?) |
| David: No problem, what? |
| 甲: 根据我们老家的传统，得先送一辆摩托车。(Jiǎ: Gēnjù wǒmen lǎojiā de chuántǒng, dé xiān sòng yī liàng mótuō chē.) |
| David: According to the tradition in my part of the country, you have to give a motorcycle first. |
| 乙: 没问题。(Yǐ: Méi wèntí.) |
| David: No problem. |
| 甲: 根据我们村子里的传统，还得送一辆汽车。(Jiǎ: Gēnjù wǒmen cūnzi lǐ de chuántǒng, hái dé sòng yī liàng qìchē.) |
| David: According to our village traditions, you also have to give a car. |
| 乙: 嗯...好吧。(Yǐ: Ń... Hǎo ba.) |
| David: Okay. |
| 甲: 根据我们家的传统，还得送一套房子。(Jiǎ: Gēnjù wǒmen jiā de chuántǒng, hái dé sòng yī tào fángzi.) |
| David: And according to our family tradition, you also have to give a house. |
| 乙: 我们分手吧。(Yǐ: Wǒmen fēnshǒu ba.) |
| David: Let’s breakup. |
| POST CONVERSATION BANTER |
| David: This is a pretty mercenary girl. |
| Echo: Well, it’s not that bad. If you hear what people used to do when they get married. |
| David: Really? Like-- |
| Echo: Like chicken exchange. |
| David: Like giving the gift of chicken. Like cooked chicken? Or live chicken? |
| Echo: 活的(Huó de)，我觉得是活的。(Wǒ juédé shì huó de.) |
| David: Alive chicken. So, I want to marry your daughter, have this chicken. |
| Echo: 差不多。(Chàbùduō.) |
| David: Okay. So, I’d see that’s ridiculous but it is a lot cheaper than buying a house. |
| Echo: 对(Duì)！And you can eat it, too. |
| David: But, as you can tell, we’ve got a dialogue that’s all about getting married and wedding vocab, so that’s the vocabulary we’ve got for you. Let’s get to it. |
| VOCAB LIST |
| Echo: 根据(Gēnjù) [natural native speed] |
| David: according to |
| Echo: 根据(Gēnjù) [slowly - broken down by syllable] |
| Echo: 根据(Gēnjù) [natural native speed] |
| : Next: |
| Echo: 传统(Chuántǒng) [natural native speed] |
| David: tradition |
| Echo: 传统(Chuántǒng) [slowly - broken down by syllable] |
| Echo: 传统(Chuántǒng) [natural native speed] |
| : Next: |
| Echo: 得(Dé) [natural native speed] |
| David: must |
| Echo: 得(Dé) [slowly - broken down by syllable] |
| Echo: 得(Dé) [natural native speed] |
| : Next: |
| Echo: 娶(Qǔ) [natural native speed] |
| David: to marry |
| Echo: 娶(Qǔ) [slowly - broken down by syllable] |
| Echo: 娶(Qǔ) [natural native speed] |
| : Next: |
| Echo: 嫁(Jià) [natural native speed] |
| David: to wed |
| Echo: 嫁(Jià) [slowly - broken down by syllable] |
| Echo: 嫁(Jià) [natural native speed] |
| Echo: 彩礼(Cǎilǐ) [natural native speed] |
| David: A dowry |
| Echo: 彩礼(Cǎilǐ) [slowly - broken down by syllable] |
| Echo: 彩礼(Cǎilǐ) [natural native speed] |
| Echo: 嫁妆(Jiàzhuāng) [natural native speed] |
| David: marriage gift from women |
| Echo: 嫁妆(Jiàzhuāng) [slowly - broken down by syllable] |
| Echo: 嫁妆(Jiàzhuāng) [natural native speed] |
| : Next: |
| Echo: 老家(Lǎojiā) [natural native speed] |
| David: homeland |
| Echo: 老家(Lǎojiā) [slowly - broken down by syllable] |
| Echo: 老家(Lǎojiā) [natural native speed] |
| : Next: |
| Echo: 村子(Cūnzi) [natural native speed] |
| David: village |
| Echo: 村子(Cūnzi) [slowly - broken down by syllable] |
| Echo: 村子(Cūnzi) [natural native speed] |
| KEY VOCABULARY AND PHRASES |
| David: Okay, the first word we want to call attention to is-- |
| Echo: 娶(Qǔ) |
| David: To marry. |
| Echo: 娶(Qǔ) |
| David: So this is a man marrying a woman. |
| Echo: 对，比如说，他娶了一个比他小二十岁的女孩。(Duì, bǐrú shuō, tā qǔle yīgè bǐ tā xiǎo èrshí suì de nǚhái.) |
| David: He married a girl 20 years younger than himself. |
| Echo: 他娶了一个比他小二十岁的女孩。(Tā qǔle yīgè bǐ tā xiǎo èrshí suì de nǚhái.) |
| David: He married a girl 20 years younger than him. So the subject here has to be a man. |
| Echo: 对，你不能说一个女人娶了一个男人。(Duì, nǐ bùnéng shuō yīgè nǚrén qǔle yīgè nánrén.) |
| David: Right, but we do have another verb for that. |
| Echo: 嫁(Jià) |
| David: So we translated this as “to wed”. |
| Echo: 嫁(Jià) |
| David: To wed. |
| Echo: 她嫁了一个比他大十岁的中年人。(Tā jiàle yīgè bǐ tā dà shí suì de zhōng nián rén.) |
| David: So, this is our only clues of the subject here is a woman. It’s that verb. |
| Echo: 嫁。她嫁了一个比他大十岁的中年人。(Jià. Tā jiàle yīgè bǐ tā dà shí suì de zhōng nián rén.) |
| David: She married a middle-aged man 10 years her senior. So the different between these two is almost totally artificial they both to get married they’re both to be wed. In Chinese the differences is the man doing it or woman doing it. |
| Echo: 没错。(Méi cuò.) |
| David: Okay. Now, if it’s a man doing it, in some parts of the country you still need to give a dowry, or a gift of money. |
| Echo: 而且好像在很多地方都是这样(Érqiě hǎoxiàng zài hěnduō dìfāng dōu shì zhèyàng)，你需要给彩礼。(Nǐ xūyào gěi cǎilǐ.) |
| David: Right. And that would be a dowry. |
| Echo: 彩礼(Cǎilǐ) |
| David: Dowry. |
| Echo: 如果想娶我(Rúguǒ xiǎng qǔ wǒ)，你得送彩礼。(Nǐ dé sòng cǎilǐ.) |
| David: If you want to marry me, you have to give a dowry. |
| Echo: 如果想娶我(Rúguǒ xiǎng qǔ wǒ)，你得送彩礼。(Nǐ dé sòng cǎilǐ.) |
| David: If you want to marry me, you have to give a dowry. Now again this is from the man, giving usually money or jewelry to the woman. There is another word for gifts the woman would give the man. |
| Echo: 嫁妆(Jiàzhuāng) |
| David: And that’s a wedding gift from a woman. |
| Echo: 对，但是现在已经很少了。(Duì, dànshì xiànzài yǐjīng hěn shǎole.) |
| David: What would normally be given? |
| Echo: 现在可能如果有人还给嫁妆的话(Xiànzài kěnéng rúguǒ yǒurén hái gěi jiàzhuāng dehuà)，会是电器。比如说(Huì shì diànqì. Bǐrú shuō)，你们买一个房子，然后女的家说(Nǐmen mǎi yīgè fángzi, ránhòu nǚ de jiā shuō)，OK，我来出所有的电器的钱。(Wǒ lái chū suǒyǒu de diànqì de qián.) |
| David: Okay. So, the man would buy the house and then the woman would buy the appliances and the furniture. |
| Echo: 对。(Duì.) |
| David: Okay. We actually have a great write up on our PDF in the cultural insight all about Chinese wedding exchanges and how this works out, so-- |
| Echo: 非常有意思。(Fēicháng yǒuyìsi.) |
| David: So do check that out, we’ve got two more words for you that we want to call your attention to. The first we translated as homeland". |
| Echo: 老家(Lǎojiā) |
| David: Which is literally old home. |
| Echo: 老家(Lǎojiā) |
| David: And sort of like the place I came from. The question is how big is this? |
| Echo: It doesn’t matter. 不管是大城市(Bùguǎn shì dà chéngshì)，小城市(Xiǎo chéngshì)，还是小村子都可以(Háishì xiǎo cūnzi dōu kěyǐ)，只要是你的家乡就可以了。(Zhǐyào shi nǐ de jiāxiāng jiù kěyǐle.) |
| David: Right, so it’s 家乡(Jiāxiāng) but sounds like China. A Chinese person wouldn’t say that Chinese might-- |
| Echo: 城市(Chéngshì) |
| David: Okay, so city or something smaller. Maybe a province at the biggest. Definitely different than the word for village. |
| Echo: 村子(Cūnzi) |
| David: Which is village. |
| Echo: 村子(Cūnzi) |
| David: Can you give us some examples? |
| Echo: 在我的老家(Zài wǒ de lǎojiā)，结婚的时候只有彩礼(Jiéhūn de shíhòu zhǐyǒu cǎilǐ)，没有嫁妆。(Méiyǒu jiàzhuāng.) |
| David: In my hometown, there’s only the gifts from the man, not the gifts from the women on getting married. Perfect, so that’s our vocab section, useful stuff, let’s go on to the grammar section now. |
Lesson focus |
|---|
| David: In our grammar section for today, we’re going to learn how to use words to blame third parties for misinformation you might have. That word is-- |
| Echo: 根据(Gēnjù) |
| David: Let’s hear it one more time. |
| Echo: 根据(Gēnjù) |
| David: In the dialogue we heard it in this sentence. |
| Echo: 根据我们老家的传统(Gēnjù wǒmen lǎojiā de chuántǒng)，得先送一辆摩托车。(Dé xiān sòng yī liàng mótuō chē.) |
| David: According to the traditions in our homeland, you have to give a motorcycle first. So here, we see it at the start of the close that goes in front of the sentence. Now we are going to run into this all the time especially in the news. Here is another example: |
| Echo: 根据气象台最新消息(Gēnjù qìxiàngtái zuìxīn xiāoxī)，今天晚间最低气温为2摄氏度。(Jīntiān wǎnjiān zuìdī qìwēn wèi 2 shèshìdù.) |
| David: So that’s a weather report, the second half of that sentence is saying that the temperature tonight is going to go as low as two degrees Celsius, but let’s hear the first part of this sentence one more time. |
| Echo: 根据气象台最新消息(Gēnjù qìxiàngtái zuìxīn xiāoxī) |
| David: According to the latest news from the weather station. So we’re putting this prepositional phrase at the start of the sentence. And this is what we want to call your attention to, technically, |
| Echo: 根据(Gēnjù) |
| David: is a proposition. |
| Echo: 对，一个介词。(Duì, yīgè jiècí.) |
| David: Right. This means it’s like a lot of other simpler propositions we’ve seen in the past. Now one interesting thing about this word though is this isn't just a proposition. |
| Echo: 对，有的时候他也是一个名词。(Duì, yǒu de shíhòu tā yěshì yīgè míngcí.) |
| David: Right. You will also see it as a noun. As for instance this sentence: |
| Echo: 说话要有根据(Shuōhuà yào yǒu gēnjù) |
| David: "when you say something, you should have a basis for saying it." |
| Echo: 说话要有根据(Shuōhuà yào yǒu gēnjù) |
| David: “When you say something, you should have grounds for saying it.” |
| Echo: 你的根据是什么(Nǐ de gēnjù shì shénme) |
| David: What’s the basis of this? |
| Echo: 你的根据是什么(Nǐ de gēnjù shì shénme) |
| David: Yeah, what basis do you have for this? So it’s been used to refer to the actual evidence or the grounds for an opinion here. And to make things even more complicated. |
| Echo: 对，根据还可以是一个动词。(Duì, gēnjù hái kěyǐ shì yīgè dòngcí.) |
| David: It’s also a verb. |
| Echo: 比如说(Bǐrú shuō)，买东西要根据自己的需要。(Mǎi dōngxī yào gēnjù zìjǐ de xūyào.) |
| David: When you buy something, you should buy it according to your own needs. |
| Echo: 买东西要根据自己的需要。(Mǎi dōngxī yào gēnjù zìjǐ de xūyào.) |
| David: When you buy things, you should buy them according to your needs. |
| Echo: 娶我必须根据中国的传统。(Qǔ wǒ bìxū gēnjù zhōngguó de chuántǒng.) |
| David: You must marry me according to Chinese traditions. |
| Echo: 娶我必须根据中国的传统。(Qǔ wǒ bìxū gēnjù zhōngguó de chuántǒng.) |
| David: You must marry me according to Chinese traditions. And if someone tells you that it means they want the chicken. So let’s take away from this, first prepositional phrases be aware for when they show at the front of sentences. |
| Echo: 如果他做介词的时候(Rúguǒ tā zuò jiècí de shíhòu)，「根据」这个词都是被放在句子的最前面。(Gēnjù'zhège cí dōu shì bèi fàng zài jùzi de zuì qiánmiàn.) |
| David: Right, and the second thing to pay attention to is, this word like a lot of words is a part of speech is fluid. |
| Echo: 没错。(Méicuò.) |
| David: So how you translate it, how you use it, really it depends on the context. So to wrap up, be aware of the that stuff, if you’re still confused go and check out our PDF. |
| Echo: 没错。(Méicuò.) |
| David: In the PDF we’ve a lot of grammar write up outlining how to use this word at different parts of speech. And filled with lots of useful examples. Anyway, that’s just about does it for today. |
Outro |
| David: Before we go we want to tell you about a way to dramatically improve your pronunciation. |
| Echo: 是我们的(Shì wǒmen de)the voice-recording tool. |
| David: Right. This is the voice-recording tool in the premium-learning center. You click the button, you record your voice, and you can play it back just as easily. It’s going to help you figure it how you sound to other people, not just yourself. |
| Echo: Yeah. |
| David: And that’s it for today, from Beijing I’m David. |
| Echo: 我是(Wǒ shì)Echo。 |
| David: Thanks a lot for listening and we will see you on the site. |
| Echo: 我们网上见吧(Wǒmen wǎngshàng jiàn ba)，拜拜。(Bàibài.) |
| David: bye. |
Comments
HideHands up everyone who's been to a Chinese wedding. What's the craziest Chinese wedding custom you've run into here in China?
你好 robert groulx,
You are very welcome. 😇
Feel free to contact us if you have any questions.
Good luck with your language studies.
Kind regards,
雷文特
Team ChineseClass101.com
thanks for the lesson
my favorite phrase is 娶我必须根据中国的传统。
it is a tradition
robert
你好 Jean Luc，
谢谢你的留言。中文里还没有这样一个词，用“结婚”就好了。😉
如果你有任何问题，请随时联络我们。
Ngai Lam
Team ChineseClass101.com
早上好大家，
男人用”娶“和女人用“嫁“，如果男人和男人一起结婚了（女人和女人）你可以用什么字？
太谢谢你了。
Jean Luc
Hi Amod,
Thank you for posting.
In the [Lesson Notes] section, there's the [Cultural Insights /Chinese Wedding Traditions] section, which was mentioned in the lesson audio. To download it, please click on [Download as PDF].👍
In case of any questions, please don't hesitate to contact us.
Sincerely,
Cristiane
Team ChineseClass101.com
Hi...The pdf on marriage customs in China mentioned in this lesson...Where can I download it? I am premium subscriber
Hi Jack,
Great to know that you're enjoying our website!
Please stay tuned! Every week we'll have new lessons for you!
Sincerely,
Cristiane
Team ChineseClass101.com
I am an Asian American and I like this website alot
Hello, Phuong Giang,
得 = get, have to
我得到一只戒指。（I got a ring.）
我得走了。（I have to go.）
要 = want , will
我要吃蛋糕。（I want to eat a cake.）
我要走了。（I will go.）
老家 = 家乡
根据 = 按照
Cho
Team ChineseClass101.com
请问 “得” 和“要” 的区别在哪里呢？还有老家和家乡？ 根据和按照
Hi, Patricia,
Thank you for your posting.
You've joined a very interesting wedding！
Harbin was very cold, right?
Cho
Team ChineseClass101.com
In the nineties, in Harbin, the groom had to bring money to the bride's door to pay off the bridesmaids to get in to carry his wife out of the house to the wedding (on his back traditionally, but by then in a car was ok). The bride had to cry and say she couldn't leave her parents and that she had lost her shoes anyway. The groom had to find them and put them on her - there were other delaying tasks to signify the bride's appreciation for her parents and unwillingness to leave them and the bridesmaids were tyrannical in protecting her. The groom had to pay money all along the way. It was hilarious and everyone had a lot of fun. I waited downstairs with the groom's friends and we all travelled in cars to the wedding with videos being shot dangerously by people hanging out car windows. It was also the first time I ever saw snow falling from the sky. It was October.
Hi, 麦克拉,
Interesting question!
The dowry depends on the area of China.
In most cities, a house and a car , sometimes money are asked for merriage.:stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:
Cho
Team ChineseClass101.com
Hello,
I have a question, so nowadays. What is suppose to be the dowry now?
Hi alejandro,
哈哈！你觉得漂亮的亚洲女人像谁呢？
章子怡？李冰冰？鞏俐
Olivia
Team ChineseClass101.com
我想要娶一个漂亮的亚洲女人， 播客多谢
@Anthony,
the couple had probably counted the money the moment the got it, that's why they disappeared immediately.
Collecting money is a fight between the bride's family and the man's. Because the bride will collect the money of the man's family and the man collect the woman's. If some one get less money, they can say: wow, your family is so mean....:cry:
I went to a wedding reception of a colleague of mine back in my English teaching days. It was my first wedding so I didn't know what to expect. I arrived at a posh hotel where the banquet was being held. The food was great, plenty of spirits, but only one thing missing- the bride and the groom. After an hour or so, the couple arrived, but for only enough time to do a round of baijiu shots with everyone in the room, and to collect their 红包 stuffed full of cash. And then they were out. That was my one and only Chinese wedding.